RELATIONSHIPS!!

My name is Fredrick and I’m 21. I’ve had tones of struggles
in my life as a Christian starting from doubts and unbelief,
masturbation, relationships the list goes on. Right now, I have
this deep conviction to write about relationships basically stuff

I’ve gone through, lessons learnt in the hope that someone
out there might pick something and probably not walk downthe path I took.
Ever since I learnt that God wants us to commit everything to
Him especially our relationships I had two great doubts. One
is that maybe God had this secret plan to keep me single for
the rest of my life and two, that He would pair me up with
someone I wasn’t attracted to.
I might introduce myself a bit. I was brought up in a Christian
family where everything was done using the bible as abenchmark. We went to church, had family prayers, read the
bible together even attended crusades. Things seemed to be
just where they should be. Life seemed like it couldn’t get
better till my dad, I’m told, had this affair with some lady in
our neighborhood. At that time I was too young and naïve to
understand the weight of issues at home so I thought all
dads and moms had to fight sometimes.
My parents sent my sister and me to boarding school just to
get us away from the war at home. When I turned 12, I got
into a relationship. All through I had been trying to fill this void
I felt in my heart. Home no longer felt like a safe haven for
us so I set out to find my own that led me to that
relationship. Through my life I have been jumping from one
relationship to another leaving a trail of heart breaks. I’m a
jerk I know.
When I joined college, I knew things couldn’t get better coz
here we have all the freedom we’ll ever want. I knew this
wasn’t right before the Lord but was too stubborn to admit. I
had just come from a relationship with Christine. We had
lasted 6 months that’s the longest I’ve been with a girl. During
our time together, I started getting this dreams and visions
that God wanted me to be more serious with how I related
with others especially my girlfriend. We soon broke up. She
transferred to a different school we just couldn’t keep up with
the long distance. I admit Christine was the first girl I really
liked and thought maybe things would be more serious this
time. So this break up really hit me. I knew for me to get a
girl who’ll be in for the long haul I had to play by God’s rules
or at least that’s what happily married people kept telling me.
So during my second year, I set out to learn as much as I
could about relationships. Over time I have learnt to trust the
Lord. Initially I had doubts: God wants me to be single or will
give me a girl I’m not attracted to plus many others but with
time these keep fading away. Last week I read a dream a girl
once had from the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua
Harris and I ll just paste it.
It was finally here–Anna’s wedding day, the day
she had dreamed about and planned for
months. The small, picturesque church was
crowded with friends and family. Sunlight
poured through the stained-glass windows, and
the gentle music of a stringed quartet filled the
air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David.
Joy surged within her. This was the moment for
which she had waited so long. He gently took
her hand, and they turned toward the altar.
But as the minister began to lead Anna and
David through their vows, the unthinkable
happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the
congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and
took David’s other hand. Another girl
approached and stood next to the first, followed
by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by
him as he repeated his vows to Anna. Anna felt
her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in
her eyes. “Is this some kind of joke?” she
whispered to David.
“I’m…I’m sorry, Anna,” he said, staring at the
floor. ‘Who are these girls, David? What is going
on?” she
gasped. “They’re girls from my past,” he
answered sadly. “Anna, they don’t mean
anything to me now… but I’ve given part of my
heart to each of them.” “I thought your heart
was mine,” she said.
“It is, it is,” he pleaded. “Everything that’s left is
yours.” A tear rolled down Anna’s cheek. Then
she woke up. “When I awoke I felt so betrayed,”
she said. “But then I was struck with this
sickening thought: How many men could line up
next to me on my wedding day? How many
times have I given my heart away in short term
relationships? Will I have anything left to give
my husband?”
I often think of Anna’s dream and the image haunts me.
There are girls from my past, too. What if they showed up on
my wedding day? What could they say in the receiving line?
“Hello, Fred. Those were some pretty lofty promises you
made at the altar today I hope you’re better at keeping
promises now than you were when I knew you.”
“My, don’t you look nice in that tuxedo. And what a beautiful
bride. Does she know about me? Have you told her all the
sweet things you used to whisper in my ear?”
There are relationships that I can only look back on with
regret. I do my best to forget. I laugh them off as part of the
game of love that everyone plays. I know God has forgiven
me because I’ve asked Him to. But I still feel the ache of
having given away my heart to too many girls in my past.
What would you want on your wedding day? Nothing is quite
as romantic as hearing an honest, account of a married
couples love story. Though it’s hard to imagine, someday I’ll
tell my children
the story I’m writing with my life today. But that realization
does little to save me from the puzzling maze called now.
“History never looks like history when you’re living through it,”
says John Gardner. “It always looks confusing and messy,
and it always feels uncomfortable.” As I stand on this side of
matrimony with no potential mate in sight, I’m right in the
middle of the messiness and confusion. I still have so many
questions. Will I know when I’m walking through the story for
the first time? Will I recognize the event that will begin the
chapters of my love story with my mate? Will time stand still
for one moment to tell me that this person— this one person,
out of all the billions bustling on the planet— is the one? Will
I realize when it happens? Or might I miss it?
Some questions are probably best left unasked. I know I
should push them aside and wait for life to unfold its
mysteries. Someday when I’m older and wiser I’ll sit back and
tell my story to someone who will listen. And as I tell my
story, will I remember the doubts and questioning prayers of
today? Or will I have forgotten the silent longings; will they
wash away like footprints on an ocean shore? I’ll probably tell
some young fool the same things I get so tired of hearing
from others. I’ll tell him to bide his time, “for it’s sure to work
out in the end.” And, of course, “you can’t rush these things.”
Someday I’ll have a story to tell. So will you. How will you
respond when one day you look back on your love story? Will
it bring tears of joy or tears of remorse? Will it remind you of
God’s goodness or your lack of faith in that goodness? Will it
be a story of purity, faith, and selfless love? Or will it be a
story of impatience, selfishness, and compromise? It’s your
choice.
I encourage you (and continue to remind myself) to write a
love story with your life that you’ll feel proud to tell.